swf seeks new

You know that part in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan says she can hear herself being boring? Because all she can talk about is Regina George?

I’m having a Lindsay moment (more than one, considering how often I wear leggings).

Lately, I’m tired of myself. I can hear myself saying the same things, over and over again. I’m a broken record these days, and I’m so bored with Me I’ve been falling asleep before George Lopez even comes on Nick at Nite. I’m not depressed or anything….just experiencing a deep sense of ennui. (I just looked up ennui in the dictionary and it actually includes depression as a definition, but I’m leaving it.) I need a change (apparently the bangs didn’t have staying power, novelty-wise). And I need to learn to write without using so many parentheses. I am clearly a person who lives in asides. I need a new adventure, even if it’s just going over the west side for dinner. I need to stop whining.

In other news, I’ve read a couple really great books lately: Bridge of Sighs (Richard Russo) and The Abstinence Teacher (Tom Perrotta). And next up is a blast from the past: Homecoming (Cynthia Voigt).

to have and have not

In tenth grade history I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. Mr. Heim (whose wife also taught history at our school, aww) told us that essentially every conflict in the world comes down to those that have, and those that have not. I’m not sure I fully agree with this, but I see where he was going with it, and it’s a thought that has stayed with me.

I usually consider myself a have not. (I know that there are starving children around the world and unemployment is the highest it’s been..um, ever, and I know that there are millions of people suffering from fatal illnesses so I should really just shut up and be grateful for hot water and a roof over my head. But the thing is, it’s hard to feel like a ‘have’ in comparison to those people because they aren’t in front of me. I’m not confronted by their needs every day, only my own. So if you think I’m selfish fine, it’s my blog.)

This morning I had a have not moment when my roommate’s sister surprised her by flying in for her birthday this weekend. Even though I was part of the surprise and able to vicariously enjoy it, it highlighted my have not status. Sure, I have a sister, but not the kind that would fly in to surprise me for my birthday. Or call for my birthday. Lying in bed at 6:30am this morning, hearing the squealing from the next room, I was jealous. Green grass jealous.

And then I started thinking about all the other things I have not (a valentine, a perfect nose, a disposable income, a vacation) and it was a bit of a spiral until my alarm went off. So, to snap myself out of this have not-edness, a list of ten things I have:
1. my job (especially after this week)
2. my parents (who celebrate 31 years of marriage next week)
3. chocolate-dipped rice krispie treats
4. self-control
5. my friends
6. romantic comedies waiting on my DVR and in theaters
7. warmer(er) weather
8. my new haircut (I’m not going to lie, I’m getting a little vain)
9. naturally blonde hair
10. free time (which I might not have as much of if I did have a valentine)

Happy heart-shaped food day

Dear Internet,

Last weekend, I got bangs. And they look AWESOME.

Making that list has had more of an effect than I thought it would. I’m still slowing working my way through items (I hope to update about another couple soon), but knowing that list is there has prompted me to take more chances. This may sound corny, but it’s made me value my life and my time more lately, and appreciate the everyday things. Saturday morning I walked to the library and spent over an hour there, then walked around the neighborhood with some pomegranate pinkberry.

Hence, the bangs. It was a big risk and it paid off. It makes me want to experiment more (even though I know not every change I take will pay off as well as this one). Still, it’s something I wouldn’t have done a year ago. I guess there is something to this growing up thing.

Parenthetically yours,
Jo