Just give me this one day to be bitter.

For the single girl (or at least this single girl), Valentine’s Day is a lot like PMS. Crankiness, mood swings, abundant chocolate.

And every time it’s over, we forget that it will come again, in a month, in a year, whatever. (I hear this is why women continue to have children, because they forget the pain of labor.) Each time it’s over relief washes over us, and we are lulled into a false sense of security, only to be slapped in the face.

That is, until we aren’t. Until we aren’t stuck at home avoiding the couples, the flowers, the boxes of chocolate, the valentine’s episodes, because we’re in a couple. Until we aren’t stuck at home curled up on the couch crying at the end of every Chick Flick, popping Midol like M&Ms.

So if you need me this Valentine’s day, I’ll be with three men who have never let me down: Jack Shepard, Ben, and his friend Jerry. We’ll be waiting for menopause.

My favorite thing I’ve said lately.

He: How’s the book business?
Me: Wordy.

Je suis la reine des calembours.

Wasting time

I’m having one of those days where all I want is a tiny kitten.

And a pint of Ben & Jerrys.

I don’t even know what to title this.

It’s because I’m a libra.

It’s a good thing I’m not paralyzed by self-doubt and indecision, otherwise this would be a tough week.

Oh wait.

People…helping people.

Imagine the following scenario: You get an email with a list of questions about dating. You are asked to provide answers to these questions, and your answers will be provided (anonymously) to a group of men your age, as a way to advise them about dating. Surreal, right? At the end of the questionnaire, you’re given free reign to comment on anything about dating.

So, how would you answer?

1) Asking you out: How do you like to be asked out? How much notice is appropriate to give before a date? What could a guy do to impress you when he asks you out? What is a bad or unimpressive way that you have been asked out in the past?

2) The first date: What is an idea (or more than one) for a great first date in NYC? What can a guy do on a first date that would impress you? What could a guy do on a first date that would be unimpressive?

3) After the first date: What is one of the best non-first dates you’ve ever been on? Do you have any other ideas for what would be a good idea for this kind of a date that can be done in NYC?

4) After the date: After a first date, do you expect the guy to call you? What about after a second date? A third? If you feel that he should call, how soon afterward? What could a guy do to impress you after the date is over?

5) Addressing some concerns: How would you feel if a guy asked you out on a first date, you had a nice time together, and then he asked a different girl in the ward out for the next weekend? Would you mind being asked out by someone, even if he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you?

6) Any other thoughts: Do you have any other advice for the men in the ward regarding dating?

B’s the girl, I am the Russian flag.