Creepy creepy

I am a creature of habit. I hit the snooze the same amount of times every day (3), I watch the same show from 7:30-8 every day (Buffy) and I leave for work at the same time every day (give or take 5 minutes). I take the same route to work every day, I sit on the same side of the bus every day. I like to look at Central Park on the way down 5th, because there are trees there, and frequently puppies.

Every day I see the statues, the wall, the zoo. But a couple days ago, I saw something I hadn’t seen before. A huge metal spider on one of the wooden posts at the zoo. Now, there are two things I’m afraid of (and by two, I mean dozens): spiders, and bodies of water at night. Why had I never noticed this horrid thing before? What kind of family-friendly zoo puts an enormous (at least two feet long) spider on a post where anyone can see it? Who does this benefit?

With a chill, I turned away and tried to ignore it. I simply won’t look at it, I thought to myself. But since I first saw it, I can’t seem to avoid it. It surprises me every time. Even if I am making a point to look away from where I think it will be when we pass…there it is! I can’t not see it.

I’m sure there’s a life lesson buried somewhere in there, but I’m too lazy to figure it out.

Metaphorical ball of paper by the trash.

I’m chalking this past month up to the unpredictable weather. I’m blaming the barometric pressure for my persistent headache, lack of motivation, and bad mood.

November is almost over. I didn’t write my novel. I started it, which I think is enough for now. I could say it was because my it hurt my head to look at the computer screen (which it did) or that I was so busy I didn’t have time for it (which I wasn’t). But I won’t. I am owning up to just not writing. For the first time, I’m going to let this personal deadline slide. I will not feel bad about not having accomplished a goal, but I will disgustingly try to be mature and learn from this experience. Because maybe (and don’t tell them) our parents have been right all along. Maybe it is not the fact of the failure, but the fact of the attempt that matters in the long run. We can follow every rule, every recipe, every plan, but it may not work out in the end. The best we can do is adapt and change course if need be.

And maybe go home for a week to sort ourselves out.

I wear my sunglasses inside.

Contrary to what you may think of me based on my profile picture, I do not permanently wear sunglasses. In fact, I rarely wear them. But today, I’m wearing them to keep away the harsh light being filtered into my overly dilated eyes.

My eye doctor informed me that I have ‘abnormally large pupils’ and just as I was getting ready to be self-conscious about them, he added that large pupils were once considered very stylish. In fact, society women would give themselves drops of Belladonna (aka deadly nightshade) to dilate their pupils. He then made a joke that I can only assume was very successful during his med school days: “It really served two purposes, because their eyes were pretty and the men were blurry.” (ba dum chik)

Since I have great vision, it was weird not to be able to see my hand in front of my face. His response when I told him: “Welcome to 45.”

Quite the comedian, isn’t he?

Stream of Consciousness

What I am feeling right now
hope: b/c I am about to type my first sentence of my novel
despair: b/c afore-mentioned sentence is only 11 words (only 49,989 to go)
fear: b/c the fan in my office is periodically emitting a noise that sounds as though it’s gearing up to eat me
warm: hence the fan
headachey: it’s been almost 4 days now with this headache
brilliant: b/c I invented the word ‘headachey’

You can write but you can’t edit edit edit edit

This is how I’ve decided to spend my November. I have no plot thus far, no characters, no inkling of what I will write about. But I do have a first sentence. And 29 days to figure out the rest.